Welcome to Ask an Outsider. We’re right here to reply your most urgent questions on having fun with time outdoors, like easy methods to make outdoorsy buddies, recommendations on going No. 2 within the woods or easy methods to reconcile a special danger tolerance with a accomplice. Our recommendation givers are specialists from each inside and out of doors the co-op who draw from their very own expertise and information to assist inform yours.
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Expensive Outsider,
My accomplice and I ceaselessly go on day hikes collectively as a result of we share a love for the outside. However we’ve got very totally different priorities on the path, and it has led to uncomfortable moments.
I’m a “stop-and-take-a-picture-of-the-pretty-views-every-two-minutes” form of hiker. I like to soak within the magnificence at my very own tempo, and it’s what helps me unwind from stress. Whereas it feels good to get a great sweat, I really like the scenic snack and nap breaks much more. I don’t care how sluggish I’m going so long as I make it again to the automobile safely earlier than nightfall.
My boyfriend doesn’t hike for a similar causes. His mission is to get a great exercise, typically competing with himself to attain a private report. He goes too quick for me. I’m going too sluggish for him. So, we conflict. He lets me understand it together with his physique language and feedback about my tempo. He shortly turns into bored whereas ready for me to catch up. I shortly change into embarrassed and exhausted making an attempt to reconnect with him.
What ought to we do once we’re climbing at totally different speeds? We take pleasure in experiencing the vacation spot collectively. We simply need to make the journey extra enjoyable.
Taylor, REI Co-op Member since 2014
Expensive Taylor,
It is a query I’ve heard contributors of the 52 Hike Problem ask many occasions. After we are in a relationship with somebody, it’s pure to need to spend time collectively—together with outdoors. However conflicts might come up as a result of variations in every individual’s pace and priorities. For me personally, addressing this boils all the way down to communication and compromise, all whereas making it enjoyable.
In my final relationship, my accomplice loved working the paths and I loved climbing them. We got here up with a win-win resolution: Forward of time, we’d agree on a time to fulfill again on the automobile and the overall time for train that day. Sometimes, we’d stroll collectively for the primary 10 to fifteen minutes to attach. Then he would run for one hour; I might hike for half-hour and switch round. Usually, he ran previous me as I used to be getting near the automobile. With this compromise, we each had our wants met.
Different occasions, we hiked and ran collectively. He adjusted his pace to extra carefully match mine, and I attempted to maintain up together with his tempo. On our longer day hikes, we agreed to hike collectively, despite the fact that I knew he may out-hike me any day.
However it’s necessary to keep in mind that there are a lot of methods to handle this case. To know how others would strategy it, I polled the 52 Hike group. Their solutions have been considerably combined: 18% urged climbing individually out of your accomplice and assembly midway, 39% opted for climbing with individuals who share the identical targets, 25% beneficial matching the pace of your accomplice and 14% voted for another end result.
Personally, I actually just like the responses suggesting that you simply and your accomplice work to compromise. For instance, Bianca C., 29, of Level Nice, New Jersey, proposes that you simply alternate between your climbing types. “Some hikes are extra about pictures, whereas others are all about breaking information,” she says. That is additionally a good time for each of you to work on persistence and understanding, which may deepen your relationship.
Paige W., 28, of Ooltewah, Tennessee, shares: “My husband and I really like climbing collectively, however we’ve got totally different paces. We compromise by figuring out what the opposite likes. My husband is affected person whereas I take images and [identify] crops on my cellphone. I attempt to take fewer footage and take them shortly so we are able to maintain transferring.” Whenever you work as a crew you may construct belief, which is large on the paths and in life.
You would additionally compromise by deciding to hike by yourself and meet at a turnaround spot. Then you may hike down at your accomplice’s tempo (assuming downhill is less complicated for you than uphill). Tai Ok., 44, of Ontario, Canada, offerss but an alternative choice: “Hike the route alone and take all of the images. Then hike once more at a sooner tempo …”
I additionally spoke to holistic marriage and household counselor Rebecca Thompson Hitt, who shares her perspective: She advises that you simply discover a time to debate what every of your underlying wants are. These are your true wants. For instance, perhaps your true want is to attach together with your accomplice on the path, whereas your accomplice merely needs a great exercise.
After your dialogue, work out a technique that can meet each of those wants. Hitt additionally suggests that you simply strive alternative ways of compromising. Then come again collectively after making an attempt them out to debate how these options felt. Modify accordingly.
Should you’re unable to come back to an answer, you can also make different preparations and discover different methods to attach that higher swimsuit every of you. As an example, you possibly can have a picnic at a neighborhood park, watch the sundown on the seaside or stargaze collectively, amongst different issues.
One other big part in all of that is belief, or feeling that you would be able to exit to discover and hike and that your accomplice will probably be there ready to attach with you once you get again. It’s additionally necessary to know that our life accomplice can’t fulfill all of our wants. Generally, we have to change our personal expectations and regulate accordingly.
Above all, be curious as you discover what feels finest to each of you as you navigate the journey collectively. The cool factor right here is that, identical to on the path, there are a lot of paths you may select, however all of them find yourself on the identical vacation spot. Perhaps you don’t hike collectively, however this expertise taught you to speak, compromise and, in the long run, acquire a stronger relationship.
Isn’t that the tip aim of our path to like anyway?